Am I as old as your daddy?
When people just get in your cab I know they are just trying to be nice, but they can say things to a taxi driver that sound banal, but really just piss him off. One the things I hate is in the early morning, they will ask "What time does your shift end?" or "been on duty all night?" I really don't know why that gets to me but when they ask "is it busy?" That really pisses me off. The reason is because it is only mouthed by some short fair mother fucker who is not going to put any money in my pocket.
If I was busy would I be sitting around with my thumb up my ass
Another thing cab drivers don't like hearing (especially from young women) is "Hey Mr. Taxi Driver" as a default greeting. They are usually drunk and will roar this out at regular intervals. Do I look that old that you call me sir!
If you have been driving cab for any time at all people will ask you "Can we go to McDonald's?" Well kiss my ass goodbye for the next twenty minutes. Never mind the fact that there is nothing fast about fast food, but, the people are usually drunk and annoying and its during the bar rush of the night. There are fares I could be picking up and making money with. No way now. Since I picked these stoners up, I am now saying "Give me a number three with a coke, and a side order of extra large fries." Then, they spill most of the shit on the back seat. Special sauce from Big Macs is tough to clean up. These people are corporate lawyers by day. dick heads by night.
"Got any tunes?" That one is so messed up. The reason is they will blast the radio and you can't even hear yourself think. Then, they start asking you questions and you can't hear a thing. Its always hip hop music and it sounds like shit.
"I won't throw up" That means within minutes you are hopping a curb and yelling at them to open the door before they toss on the back seat. Some cities now have an extra charge posted on the window for throw up.
"Change for a hundred?" That means they are going to rob your ass and they want to know how much they are going to get.
"Do you take head?" That is when a drunk women has no money and she wants to prostitute herself for the fare. Some drivers I know always take the head. Lets just say, I could get head every night if I wanted. I really need the money, however.
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